You Already Know How to Be Great by Alan; Merrill Fine

Author:Alan; Merrill Fine [Fine, Alan; Merrill, Rebecca R.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: PENGUIN group
Published: 2010-08-31T04:00:00+00:00

It’s not always possible to plan a difficult conversation in advance. Sometimes situations arise that need to be handled immediately. You might be in the middle of a breakthrough conversation and suddenly realize that what the performer (the employee, child, spouse, student) wants to do is not acceptable. Suddenly you find yourself in an unplanned engagement conversation with no opportunity to prepare. Learning to recognize the “cues” on page 81 will enable you to quickly and confidently shift into the appropriate mode. However, most of the time you will be able to prepare for difficult conversations, including going through all the elements of GROW. And doing so can significantly increase your performance as a coach. If you think about it, practice is vital to any high-quality performance. No top athlete, musician, or other performer would even think of trying to perform without it.

Using GROW helped me as I prepared to have the difficult conversation with Neil described at the beginning of this chapter. The questions helped me to be clear about my Goal—to get Neil to engage in a conversation to address the issues that were causing his poor performance and personal pain. They helped me identify the Realities that would impact the conversation—the consequences of his behavior, his reticent nature, his tendency to lash out, his sensitivity to the nature of the problems he was dealing with. They helped me recognize the Realities of my Faith (about Neil as a friend and as a valuable contributor in the organization), my Fire (my energy about resolving this issue), and my Focus (to resolve this in a way that would bring positive long-term results for Neil, our relationship, and the organization). They helped me think of Options—of different ways I might be able to engage Neil’s attention and commitment. They helped identify my contingency plan (to either get Neil to engage or be dragged off by the police) and determine my Way Forward.

Crafting the conversation in advance enabled me to imagine and deal with emotions and challenges ahead of time, which helped me remain calm when they actually surfaced in the conversation. It also helped me to think about the process and the language I could use to best communicate with Neil.

NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING

According to Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) developers Richard Bandler and John Grinder, people have one of three dominant modes of processing the world—visual (sight), auditory (sound), or kinesthetic (touch). Understanding and matching the mode of the person with whom you’re having a conversation can significantly enhance communication.

For example, if the person is primarily visual, you might use phrases such as “I see what you mean,” “I get the picture,” or “I understand your point of view.”

If you’re talking with someone who is primarily auditory, you might say things such as, “I hear what you’re saying” or “That sounds good to me.”

In conversation with a person who is primarily kinesthetic, you might say, “Okay,

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